I lack the vocabulary or focus at this time to complete my title. I know there is a wonderfully profound and fitting word to fit that emptiness of space yet rather than find a fitting yet inadequate replacement... i leave you to fill in what you believe I was looking for.
My tone has changed. I desire more than the average brain fart that normally flows through these pages. I have been inspired -- though I am cautious in fully _______ that _________. I have recently read John Green's The Fault in our Stars. I know its a book for the youth and more frighteningly a book on relationships for youth, yet I find that this book has taken a place dear to my heart. Perhaps it was the beauty of it dialogue, perhaps the character... the overuse of metaphors and intelligence thought... or maybe just the heartfelt story. I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed cause something clicked. Something made sense to me. Made sense like things have never made sense, yet it left me in fear. Have I been wrong all this time... or is this new amazing epiphany that which is wrong?
The sadness of a sudden revelation that leaves no peace... for either you were once wrong or you are currently wrong. It'd be cliche to say this has flipped my world upside-down. I would have said that yesterday... I thought it did, but towards the end of the day, I realize... nothing has changed. My life remains untouched by this amazing book. My perspective may be in the middle of change but the world around me -- for better or for worse-- is the same. I enter work today with no difference. Same room, same school, same students. I will go home today, experience nothing different than I had the day before. The same frustrations, the same disappointments, the same joys and the same _________. The tasks to look forward to this weekend remain the same and the responsibilities of the coming year are left unchanged.
Shall I be pleased? This book. It changed me. Yet it changed little. little now. But later... perhaps. If I am to change the world around me, I must strive to change it one step at a time. The dilemma is what steps to take. A small safe step, to change the immediate world. A monumental step, that breaks the _________ around me... breaking old bonds is painful, but it must be done to heal properly.
This book challenges me. But to what? Perhaps the word now has changed. Finding __________ in reading. The jury is still out, but I think i like it. Yeah I know I like it. I'm just not sure if I'm supposed to like it. Good day.
