Finding __________ in reading.

Today I dive into the beauty of language, partially out of a desire to add to its wonder, but primarily out of inspiration and necessity in releasing what can neutrally dissipated in our wonderful interweb.

I lack the vocabulary or focus at this time to complete my title.  I know there is a wonderfully profound and fitting word to fit that emptiness of space yet rather than find a fitting yet inadequate replacement... i leave you to fill in what you believe I was looking for.

My tone has changed.  I desire more than the average brain fart that normally flows through these pages.  I have been inspired -- though I am cautious in fully _______ that _________.  I have recently read John Green's The Fault in our Stars.  I know its a book for the youth and more frighteningly a book on relationships for youth, yet I find that this book has taken a place dear to my heart.  Perhaps it was the beauty of it dialogue, perhaps the character... the overuse of metaphors and intelligence thought... or maybe just the heartfelt story.  I was overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed cause something clicked.  Something made sense to me.  Made sense like things have never made sense, yet it left me in fear.  Have I been wrong all this time... or is this new amazing epiphany that which is wrong?

The sadness of a sudden revelation that leaves no peace... for either you were once wrong or you are currently wrong.  It'd be cliche to say this has flipped my world upside-down.  I would have said that yesterday... I thought it did, but towards the end of the day, I realize... nothing has changed.  My life remains untouched by this amazing book.  My perspective may be in the middle of change but the world around me -- for better or for worse-- is the same.  I enter work today with no difference.  Same room, same school, same students.  I will go home today, experience nothing different than I had the day before.  The same frustrations, the same disappointments, the same joys and the same _________.  The tasks to look forward to this weekend remain the same and the responsibilities of the coming year are left unchanged.

Shall I be pleased?  This book.  It changed me.  Yet it changed little.  little now.  But later... perhaps.  If I am to change the world around me, I must strive to change it one step at a time.  The dilemma is what steps to take.  A small safe step, to change the immediate world.  A monumental step, that breaks the _________ around me... breaking old bonds is painful, but it must be done to heal properly.

This book challenges me.  But to what?  Perhaps the word now has changed.  Finding __________ in reading.  The jury is still out, but I think i like it.  Yeah I know I like it.  I'm just not sure if I'm supposed to like it.  Good day.