Its been one of those days...

Today was a good day... a great day... Today was an amazing day ha.

From all normal standards today was a tough day... but when I look back upon the day, I smile.  My God is an amazing God and he has shown himself faithful and gracious time and time again.

I look back on today and see His grace, that today was a day he's given me and today was a good day.  Lessons learned, growing pains, but something I would welcome from Him again and again.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love. Psalm 103:8

To whom shall I go, you have the words of eternal life.  John 6:68

The challenges of challenges.

12:47 am of Day 14.

A reflection of the last 13 days.  what a crazy 13 days.  I'm heading to Japan tomorrow...

I haven't been the most consistent with my challenges, but they have still been fruitful.

I think more than anything, its the constant reminder of what I should be doing and view everything that I do in perspective of my priorities.  Whether it be choosing unwisely, at least realizing the choices I make on a day to day basis.

The letter writing is something I desire to do but in contrast to that, having a regimented schedule for that is taking the joy from it.  I write out of a overflow of my heart, so i haven't been too good at keep up with it.  THough I intend to crank some more out in Japan.

Prayer -- definitely shows my weakness in prayer.  This is more a matter of commitment rather than time or availability.

Blogging.  It could be worse, and I'm hoping these are fruitful.  At times, its a struggle against posting for the sake of posting and actually putting the time into seeking substance.

I did a lot of reading through Daniel this past week and was reminded of how --- to the best of our knowledge, Daniel's greatest witness to the kings in his presence was his obedience to God.

He did question the power of God to interpret dreams.  He did not waver at avoiding the defile foods.  he did not waver at his times of prayer.  He represented God by his actions rather than his words... and how power was his witness.  A reminder to us, to watch our actions more closely than our words.

We can share the gospel, but if we don't live it, we may be doing more harm than good to those that see us.

We will live out the gospel as truly as we believe it.  If we struggle in our actions, then we most likely struggle in our faith as well.

Day ?. When it rains it pours.

Sadness. I do not even know the day.

Tuesday May 12 = Day 1

Thursday May 22 = Day 11.

Busy 3 days till I head off the Japan.  I'm not gonna get to relax till I'm on the plane.

Its been a test of my commitment, not just to this challenge, but to my deeper commitments beyond just this. I can't say I've been completely faithful, though I don't necessarily feel guilt over missing these.  Keeping these for the sake of doing these, benefit no one.

This challenge has lived up this name... this week has not been anything but...

tests of the week.

time management.  priority.  planning.  leadership.  delegation.  car accident.  fatigue.  friendships.  compassion.  discernment.  discipline.  patience.  perseverance.  fear. courage. faith.  peace. joy.  love. duty. responsibility.

can't say this week has been fun, but its been fruitful and through the difficult days, God has blessed me.  With experiences, with knowledge.  With encouragement and friendship.

2 Peter 1:3-11

3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

10 Therefore, my brothers and sisters,[a] make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, 11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Day ?

The challenges are challenging to say the least.

But fruitful.

The struggle.  The contrast of the characters in the book of Daniel.

Daniel.  Prayer 3 times a day.  Steadfast.  Commitment.  Unwavering.  We see the great stories of Daniel.  But what empowered him to this commitment?

Nebuchadnezzar saw many wonders.  Dreams interpreted.  Men strolling in fire.  He saw enough wonders to give praise to God.  Many of the kings did, but their worship was short lived.

How we struggle in the same --- feeding off the temporary when we should focus on the long term.  The smaller investments that pay larger dividends.

Day 6

Blessed.  So blessed.

I used to think of myself as a very optimistic person.  I think many things wore me out and I became less thankful, less appreciative, more cynical...

But I had sometime to think about my circumstances...

its humbling to see the positions God has placed me in... my family, church, work, ...

Its easy to look at the negative aspects of my life and complain or be discontent, but things could be so much worse... and I look at my situation and I see God's hand.  I see his plan and his purpose.  I've been spoiled enough.  I need the kinks in the plans or else I'd forget my God.  I'd need to failures and trials or I'd cease growing.  I'm one that needs mistakes to learn... and even then I fail to learn from past mistakes and yet he allows me these safety nets to fail into.

And despite of me he places blessings before me.  People in my life I do not deserve.  One I did not ask for, yet was given to me.  People.  Opportunities.

I hope you know who you are.  You love renews me.  It challenges me to be more.  It frees me to strive for more.  On the days you question your worth, your purpose or your benefit to others.  Know you made an impact in my life.  Thank you.

Day 5 Struggles.

A letter a day is hard.  Too hard.  There is no definite time for it.  Pouring emotion on paper.  I enjoy it, but I also don't like being rushed to finish it.  Perhaps my goal is to finish 40 in 40 days but write at my own pace.
I'll try my best.

Lessons learned today.  I realized I have been very selfish with my thoughts and focus.  I was reminded today, ever so briefly of the need around me.  I think I've been complaining more these days.  Less content... far less content and in that I've become self absorbed, self centered... I am fortunate, very fortunate and I must open my eyes to the needs around me.  There is much to do.  much that can be done and much that should be done.

Much has been given to me.  Much is asked of me.

Day 5.  Give more.  take less.

Pirates of Caribbean quote:  "Take what you can, give nothing back" --- yeah, do the opposite.

Give what you can, take nothing back.

Day 4 - Two sides. Friday 3/15

What a contrast in days.  Started off a pretty horrible day, but it quickly turned for the better.

Encouraged by my students.  Tennis.  And watched an amazing performance of Rent at my school.

Rent - A relatively simple story.  No major plot twists. (No spoilers).  Love and heartache, drama.  Fear and death.  Family and loneliness.

They were all learning to put life in the proper perspective.  Loneliness and fear is a choice.  Choose love and risk heartache.

I was talking to another participant of the 40 day challenge and they commented on the difficulty of the daily commitment and I totally agreed.  Though it left me thinking about why such a commitment is difficult.

Its true that most people tend to pick 3 challenges they will be difficult for them.  But its not that it can't be done... since we are able to easily do it for one day.  But to do it the next day, and the next... that's where the challenge is.

Its a matter of motivation and priority.  Do we do it out of obligation?  "I'm supposed to do it, so I'll force myself to do it today."  Is it one of those disciplines we must learn... like exercising or eating your vegetables?    In any case, it made me reflect on our daily commitments to God.  Our need to daily strive for Holiness.  To seek Him daily.  To be a person of salt and light daily.  Is it not true how often we struggle in ...  do we even struggle?  Is it not true how often we Don't keep it up daily?  Why?  Cause its too much work?  Or are we doing it out of obligation rather than ...

In Tim Keller's book/study guide Gospel in Life he points out the difference between religion and the gospel.

Religion - I'm obey therefore I'm accepted
Gospel - I'm accepted therefore I obey.
Religion - Motivated by fear and insecurity
Gospel - Motivation founded in grateful joy

Is living for God daily something we even try to do?  If it is, I'd presume it be much harder than a 40 day challenge.  What's our motivation?  Personal growth?  Discipline?  Obligation?  Fear?  Love?  Love for whom?

Why do we do the things that we do each day?  Rent showed everyone's desire to love and be loved.  It showed their fears and insecurities in finding that love -- in the end their hunger and desire won out.  We know a love that does not waver or fade... what is our response?

Day 3.

A clear reminder of why I am on this journey.

Are you asking yourself if you missed Day 2?  You didn't.  I did.

I knew what I needed to get done.  I thought about it all day and in the end it didn't get done.  There's no excuse, no rational reason, it was a conscious choice.  Day 1.  Begin.  Day 2.  Reality.

And I went through the day thinking about it in guilt.  Knowing I'd be posting this.  Knowing that people will see that I missed Day 2.  And I sit here, almost at the end of day 3 and I realize, as with my failures during the last 40 day journey.  God is teaching me through this journey.

Why do I feel guilty?  For my own pride?  My own shame?  How others may view this?

No. I should be asking... How does God view this?  Is he shaking his head in disappointment?  If he knows me, which he does, he sighs and smiles, cause he's not surprised... neither am I, but that doesn't quite make it better.  But I'm reminded that even if I did make it on Day 2.  Finished all my goals.  Was as holy as I could be... I was still inadequate --- it may have been worse to go through a complete Day 2 and be proud of it... because in the end... it is only by His grace.  My success and failure... do I honor him?  Does it bring Him glory?  Does it serve him?  If so, it is a success, if not --- a failure.  A full completed Day 2--- may serve the kingdom less.  A failed day, may bring Him more glory.

Thank you God.  Onward to day 3 and day 4.

Day 1 of 40.

Day 1 of 40.

Please follow me in this journey of 40 days.  I am making a commitment to God for 40 days.

My commitment:  To seek first his kingdom and his righteousness

My challenges to remind me of my commitment.

1) One letter of encouragement each day.
2) To pray for my church.
3) To blog/journal/share the blessings God has bestow.

I did not prayerfully or thoughtfully thought out my commitment...  I had originally written something else out... but when I thought about why I wanted to do this and what the purpose of this journey was meant to be... I was reminded of Matt 6:33... a verse I had been reminded of quite a few times recently.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Matt 6:33

To seek first His kingdom.  To have God as my priority.  To cast aside my idols.  My self-centeredness, my will and my desire.  To prioritize Him and let Him take care of the rest.

Today is Day 1.

Feel free to follow me on these 40 days.  I plan on posting regularly.  I ask for your prayers.  If you would like more details please feel free to contact me directly.

Thought in process.

Do we address the symptoms and not the cause?

Dating, Friendship, Opposite sex interactions


Problem...

do we discourage the misuse of dating or the teach the dangers of dating to such an extent, that people are fearful of entering a dating relationship.

In response to that, they push the boundaries of their friendships to dating-levels while defining themselves only as friends.  They are in actuality dating, but in fear of that, they only acknowledge and perhaps only are aware of themselves as friends.

Tl:DR:  Too many, intimate, emotionally dependent opposite-sex friendships

Cause?

People are looking for support and companionship where it is easiest to find and taking what is available rather than looking for what is best... good for them... better?  Once they find what works and is easy to find, what would they bother looking for what is more difficult but better?

Is it not human nature to find the easiest source that meets our needs?  And what those needs grow, in relationships, the analogy stops there.  We will not seek the better companion cause that would dismiss the current one, which is never acceptable --- yet, that leaves us to seek more of the current companion... whether that be healthy or good...  we set a trap for ourselves and fall right into it.

Finding __________ in reading.

Today I dive into the beauty of language, partially out of a desire to add to its wonder, but primarily out of inspiration and necessity in releasing what can neutrally dissipated in our wonderful interweb.

I lack the vocabulary or focus at this time to complete my title.  I know there is a wonderfully profound and fitting word to fit that emptiness of space yet rather than find a fitting yet inadequate replacement... i leave you to fill in what you believe I was looking for.

My tone has changed.  I desire more than the average brain fart that normally flows through these pages.  I have been inspired -- though I am cautious in fully _______ that _________.  I have recently read John Green's The Fault in our Stars.  I know its a book for the youth and more frighteningly a book on relationships for youth, yet I find that this book has taken a place dear to my heart.  Perhaps it was the beauty of it dialogue, perhaps the character... the overuse of metaphors and intelligence thought... or maybe just the heartfelt story.  I was overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed cause something clicked.  Something made sense to me.  Made sense like things have never made sense, yet it left me in fear.  Have I been wrong all this time... or is this new amazing epiphany that which is wrong?

The sadness of a sudden revelation that leaves no peace... for either you were once wrong or you are currently wrong.  It'd be cliche to say this has flipped my world upside-down.  I would have said that yesterday... I thought it did, but towards the end of the day, I realize... nothing has changed.  My life remains untouched by this amazing book.  My perspective may be in the middle of change but the world around me -- for better or for worse-- is the same.  I enter work today with no difference.  Same room, same school, same students.  I will go home today, experience nothing different than I had the day before.  The same frustrations, the same disappointments, the same joys and the same _________.  The tasks to look forward to this weekend remain the same and the responsibilities of the coming year are left unchanged.

Shall I be pleased?  This book.  It changed me.  Yet it changed little.  little now.  But later... perhaps.  If I am to change the world around me, I must strive to change it one step at a time.  The dilemma is what steps to take.  A small safe step, to change the immediate world.  A monumental step, that breaks the _________ around me... breaking old bonds is painful, but it must be done to heal properly.

This book challenges me.  But to what?  Perhaps the word now has changed.  Finding __________ in reading.  The jury is still out, but I think i like it.  Yeah I know I like it.  I'm just not sure if I'm supposed to like it.  Good day.

End of life reflections ... at 28.

Had the privilege of attending the memorial service of a man I barely knew.  I share a church with him for over 20 years and knew him only as the quiet old man that was always pleasant to greet.

It was a quite a lengthy service, filled with many musical talents and personal testimonies.

Every testimony echoed the same sentiment.

Mr. Lee was a strict but loving man.  Hard working, generous, polite and a gentlemen.  Everyone who knew him, respected him and were in awe that he was consistently the same gentlemen and friend in public and in his home.

Everyone who knew him, was better for knowing him.  His friends and family testify to that.

He set an example for us all.

Technology and Death

Technology may be a gift of this generation but right now it feeling more like a curse.

An addiction that keeps on taking .  A vice that will not go away.  I must put it to death.

Of course there is the irony that I am using a technology to reflect about this but that is the power of this devil ha.  Even when I run from it I can't.  It is always around.  We are bounded without wires.  The wires kept us free.  The wires restricted the technology's power... now its mobile.  Its power has been released and now is it free and it is consuming our generation and the generations to follow.

Technology will be the death of me.  Farewell.

Rollercoaster.

The year has just begun yet the drama begins immediately or even preemptively ha.

I don't appreciate New Years.  One, I've never transitioned out of the school schedule, so my true New Years is when school starts again in August.  Dec 31st/Jan 1st is just another day in my winter break.

I understand its an excuse to get together and hangout but the extent to which people go to to celebrate it always surprises me.  The Times square chaos.  The celebrities that embarrass themselves on TV as they celebrate an inconsequential passing of time.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are positives to the New year.  People often turn a new leaf, as they begin anew.  A resolution, a resolve... a commitment to change.  It is a time of reflection, growth and goal setting.  Yet experience shows me that very little of that leads to any actual change.  Its as superficial as the holiday.


I'm realizing how negative of a post this is becoming.  And I didn't intend to bash anyone's parade, i guess as of late I tend to have a lot of bad memories of New Years.

Today was a good day.  Spent time in prayer and fellowship.  Shared a meal with friends.  Played some video games. Helped two strangers.

Someone this past week was trying to convince someone to do something repeating "Its better to give than to receive."  I'm thankful to go for the fortuitous opportunity to give today.  I was having an average day, but afterwards I was beaming.

There is still much I long for.  Things that are good and just that I desire but do not have.  Things I need to strive for and work for... and with those, many a things I must amend.  If you have found your way all the way here, you must either be really really bored or you'd be willing to take another step for me.

Please pray.  Pray that I'll have a greater faith in God and in people.  Pray that I will grow in love for God and for people.  Pray that i may remember the sweetness of generosity and to remember to give freely whenever possible, be it time, money or energy.

Its always a rollercoaster of emotions, but I guess in that I can learn.