Tired.

I'm physically tired, but I think that's the last of my problems. I think its a symptom or perhaps a cause...

emotionally. mentally. spiritually. tired.

I had a good chance Wed night to reflect upon the thoughts swirling in my head that I didn't have much chance to think upon... in reflecting upon the pantomime drama based on Lifehouse's Everything.

The drama powerfully draws the audience to empathize with the main character... a woman who is desperately struggling to find God again... with Christ on the side showing as much effort to bring her to him...

but there's a problem... why is Christ struggling? Why is our sovereign, all powerful God struggling? He is not us. When he speaks, storms are called. Is he not greater than our sinful temptations?... but how do we address the times we struggle. When we are tired. When the world consumes us and spits us out. When we long to find God but can't find him. Where does the problem lie?

I think this drama lies to us. It has us empathize with the poor girl is doing all she can do to try to reach Christ. I think it loses the focus. Its focused on her. On her struggle. On her sin. On the temptations that seize her. Where is Christ in her picture? He's on the side... she's trying to reach him...

that's the problem... we look at sin and we say, we try our best. Sin is too tough, we'll never fully defeat it... but i'm trying. Oh the pride we have. Sin when did we think we have any chance again sin? We are but slaves to our sinful desires. It is only in Christ do we have freedom. In Christ our salvation lies.

We struggle yes... we struggle against sin and fail miserably, but in our struggle we will never succeed in finding peace. That peace only comes in Christ... and when we rely on him, sin will be defeated. And there is a struggle thereafter... a struggle within ourselves, when we lose sight of him again-- forgetting his strength, forgetting his peace... resolved to resisting sin on our own... that's when we struggle and fail.

In Christ there is freedom.

I'm an tired. God is good.

Love is easy?

A friend posted that love is easy... I disagree...

My first thoughts:

I was thinking of it more of a perspective that, the fact that its not easy it what makes it special. Its unique, difficult to find, so that when we find ourself in a position to love, we need to hold on to that love.

Love requires sacrifice. Love without sacrifice is not love at all. Love is not easy.

Is it possible? Definitely. But God is love. He sets a high bar. It not easy. It necessary and definitely worth it, but it takes sacrifice, discipline and commitment.

Was I wrong?

I can't quite think of anything greater than love... anything more sweet, anything more treasured. Its priceless... and can cost everything. Perhaps that's the perspective we must have to receive it and to give it... its cost is limitless, yet despite that its worth it.

Love gives you wings. Not in the sappy sense... ha maybe even in the sappy sense. But love comes from God, its his love that free us, that empowers us... receiving his love is easy for us... but expressing that love, its beyond our capability. We try our hardest to reach even a fraction of that love.

Its hard work and we fail at it. Yet we try and try again. Why? Because he first loved us. Its hard, its difficult, its trying... yet we've received it and there's no reason not to give it.... or attempt to give it. To love. Is there anything more difficult? Mercy, forgiveness, compassion? What are they apart from love? Love enables us to forgive.

Love. Easy? Hardly. It is amazing though.

Give Glory to God

Original date: 10/24/10

God you've been awesome through the last few years. Despite my unhappiness -- I know o uwere there. You watched, you took care of me, despite my sin, my rebellion.

Despite my anger, jealousy, bitterness, slefishness, you were good. My pride and ignorance; you were gracious. Your hand is strong but gentle.

Help me separate my reality from my skewed perspective, that I may see things true -- and even if I cannot. When I am blind, as I often am -- may you lead with your wisdom and your eyes, that I may see the next step you have chosen for me.

Help me to step, and strive to walk where you want me to walk.

Walk courageously. Walk faithfully. Walk diligently.

As Christ would...

love? forgive?

We studied anger today. But the common question... what about when you are hurt... hurt badly. Anger is still a choice. Bitterness, frustration... it's so "natural" to us.

How did Christ love those that spit in his face? How did he love those that placed him on the cross?

"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do..."

How did he forgive them while on the cross?

How did he forgive us for putting him on the cross?

How do we love as he love and forgive as he has? When we are hurt, when our sinful pride and selfishness want redemption and "justice"... how do we love? how do we forgive? how do we love as he loved? How do we forgive as he forgave? How do we surpass the limitations of our fleshly spirit?

Words are cheap. How do we do it?

A week of trials.

The question is whether they were out of my control or fully within my grasp of power. Perhaps both at the same time.

I think I was the cause of this week, or at least, I had the power to influence it. Though in the same path of reasoning, I was powerless to my own vices... this was inevitable. Did anything that happened this week surprise me... sadly no. The question is where to go from here? What is the path to change? There are small lessons learned but until these smaller lessons take root, find fertile ground and lead to fruit... it would have been all in vain.

How do we translate experience into growth? What makes learning coming to life? An ironic question coming from a teacher... but I guess that's a question teachers try answer as well. How do we get the lesson to sink in? What leads men to stop repeating their mistakes?

I gotta put more time into it... so not less this week just become "last week" or "just another week"... to think about it...evaluate it... digest it... process it... till it sinks in. That takes time... and effort... things I don't usually try to invest in the past. Like the spiel on Homework I preach to my classes... unless we spend the time trying to learn it... we're not gonna be prepared.

Time to spend some time learning.

New favorite verse.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

⁷ "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

⁸ He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

I found this passage looking for a verse for a worship set...

Its relatively simple, self-explanatory, yet it speaks so much truth. Yet to obey it... Full confidence in the Lord, without fear, without worry. The ideal, in which we should live.

The verse that follows this passage is probably more well known... "the heart is deceitful above all things..." How interesting that it follows this passage. The entire passage from v 5 - 18 is filled with imagery and contrast.

Its so easy to see the good in the the truth of this passage, yet why is it such a struggle to obey? How strong is our belief in God's promises?

Mark 9:24 - Lord help us with our unbelief.

The Best Teacher

Failure. Is there any better teacher? It focuses. It refines. It breaks any false sense of reality.

It can be dangerous and defeating. It can destroy what may not be rebuilt. But if used properly, it can break a weak foundation, to give birth to success.

Failure. Don't waste it. Use it, but use it wisely.

2 Cor 12:9-10

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

50 Things to experience...

i'm not sure if I want this totally serious or somewhat superficial... but from what i hear, 50 is hard enough as it is... so I'll take what I can get.

1. To have a mentee that is mentoring someone.
2. To have a mentee's mentee mentor someone... seriously this would be crazy.
3. To bowl a perfect game.
4. Own my own house.
5. To have a school family
6. To be able to converse in Mandarin
7. To be able to converse in Cantonese =P
8. To have a family.
9. To drive a 3rd gen corvette.
10. understand probability
11. Own a kayak
12. Coach tennis
13. Walk my daughter down the aisle
14. To be lead by someone I once lead.
15. To walk where Jesus walked in Israel
16. to be continued.